Mud Cats Dismiss Team Captain for his New-Found Desire to be Educated
The local high school basketball team, the Middlesburgh Mud Cats, voted on Monday to remove senior forward Don Capers as team captain and dismiss him from the team, per reports from a disgruntled Capers.
Head coach John Ermenhire claimed Capers was not fully invested into the program after his newly piqued interest in academics.
“Don started trying too hard in school. His time spent focused on studying messed the entire program up because academics is a waste of time, effort, and talent that could be better used on the court,” Ermenhire said.
Junior guard Alex Overton said the team never understood why Don suddenly started caring about his schooling.
“We always liked Don because we thought basketball was a close second to only God and His son, our lord Jesus Christ, who died for our sins. We thought he wasn’t smart and didn’t apply himself academically. That may be my biggest sin, thinking that was true,” Overton said.
Overton went on to say that the classes Capers chose for himself this current semester exceeded the mental capabilities of any athlete at Middlesburgh High.
“When we learned he was taking things such as Subtraction with Double Digits, Stapling, and Shove-That-Rock-Up-Your-Ass-Crack 201…
